I used to say that I wanted my words to drip from my lips like liquid silver. Now I say that I want to scoop out my soul, spin it into thread, and weave it into a tapestry of words. Words words words. What is there without words? Much, but how to think of it? Thinking in images, feelings, sensations without placing a word in is rather difficult.
I have this idea that, at least for me, there are at least two streams of thought going through my mind at any given waking moment. One of them is louder and more easily controlled, with the other bubbling in the background. For me to fall asleep, I believe that I must only have one stream of thought going through my mind. Sometimes, I am able to let go of the other stream of thought rather easily, falling asleep quickly, but at other times, it gets going so fast that it takes much longer to slow it down and tuck it away.
I’ve always been curious as to what other people do to fall asleep. I regularly asked my family about this when I was younger and more of an insomniac. I didn’t understand then that many people didn’t do anything to fall asleep, but that sleep just came to them without effort. For some time, when I was having trouble falling asleep I would focus on a very specific image. It was that of a large, deep green disc spinning. The disc was so large that from the distance my mind’s eye looked at it, I could only see about half of it at one time. This worked for me for months or perhaps a few years until it started making me feel dizzy and slightly nauseous when I tried to focus on it. Then, one of the few things that would let me sleep would be to imagine myself swinging and rocking back and forth gently. There was a hammock at a little camp on Horn Pond in Acton, Maine. I liked to feel that I was swinging in that hammock when I wanted to fall asleep. I would do this until my body and mind relaxed more and I felt as if I were actually moving with the imagined hammock. Other times, I would think of being in a boat rocked by the waves, but I could not control the waves in that, so I tended to favor the hammock. More recently, I’ve been falling asleep more easily so that I usually do not feel the need to focus or unfocus on something, but if I do these days, I center on my breathing. Still, I am curious about those who do have trouble falling asleep if they have any specific things they do or don’t do when trying to get to sleep.
From words to thoughts to falling asleep. It’s a ramble.
Interesting:
Before babies speak actual words, they are already babbling with the accent of the language around them.
